Wedding Ceremony

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Wedding Ceremony

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If I knew it’d end so meaninglessly like this, if I knew I’d end it so easily with you like this.

I should’ve been a bit nicer. I should’ve said I love you, even a little.

It’s all my fault. Don’t go. I’ll kneel if you say kneel– I’ll even bow down and beg at your feet if I have to. If you tell me to go die, I’ll even pretend to die.

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You should’ve just told me never to appear in front of your eyes again. I don’t have the courage to face you anymore. How do you expect us to be friends again.

You must’ve had a hard time too. Pulling out the words to break up with me and stay as friends– it must’ve been really hard. You must’ve thought about it a lot, and held down your cries by yourself.

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I even hate myself, who’s selfish till the end although I know everything. I hate myself, who can’t empty you out, who can’t forget about you.

I can still see you when I close my eyes. It feels like you’ll be beside me when I open my eyes….

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Eung, I believe all this is a dream.

A dream where everything… is going to break apart all at once.

I believe you’ll definitely wake me again.

I believe you’ll wake me from this horrible dream.

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*

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Really, it seemed like you’d forgotten it all.

Just three months ago we were lovers that had it all.

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” …… Damn, ”

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A piece of paper got helplessly crumpled in my hand. But that wasn’t enough to calm my anger and I threw the ball of paper across the room.

My vision blurred. I unconsciously rubbed my eyes and warm water wet my fingers. Even as I clenched my teeth, my cries came seeping through.

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‘Woohyun, I don’t think you cry much at all. At this rate, you’ll probably never blink an eye even when someone dies, huh?’

‘Eyy, naww– ‘

‘Don’t ‘naww’ me, really! Will you not cry even when we break up?’

‘Hey! Don’t jinx it, Sunggyu that’s not something you say that lightly!’

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What do you mean not cry. I cried so much I feel like suffocating to death.

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Tears endlessly flowed down seeping out from in between my hands that covered my eyes. I once heard so frequently that I didn’t have any tears, but thanks to you I don’t have a single day where my tears can dry up now.

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I wanted to see you right this instant. I wanted to see you, who would look at me, smile, and kindly call my name. I wanted to see you, who would complain but end up doing every favor I ask of you.

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I wanted to see you, who would say I love you to me.

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The word ‘Invitation’ written in red ink, peeking through the crumpled paper, was strangling my throat.

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“Damn it, Kim Sunggyu…. ”

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Groom Kim Sunggyu, Bride Yoon Jihae.

I wish you’d really attend, Woohyun-ah.

Jihae said she wanted to see you too!

Do you know how upset I was because you didn’t attend the reunion last time?

Really come and congratulate me, really!

I invite the friend that I most treasure, Woohyunnie!

P.S– Just so you know, this invitation to you is the very first one I’m sending!

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” — Friend? Hah… fine, friend, friend….. ”

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The word “friend” hurt me more than anything. Fine, for you I should get all these clustered feelings out of the way and stay by your side as a friend, shouldn’t I.

But…..

I’m already reaching my limits trying to breathe, being by myself after you left. Me without you is even worthless than a piece of trash in the streets.

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If I could, I want to turn back the time. If I only knew of a way, I want to turn back the time even if it means I have to put my life on the line. Back when I was happy with you, no, back when I first met you.

No…. Maybe it would’ve been better if I’d never met you in the first place. If I didn’t meet you, I wouldn’t be as ruined as I am right now.

Right, I wouldn’t be so…….

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*

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” Sunggyu you rascal, you denied so much that you didn’t have a girlfriend but you end up getting married this quickly? How dare you hide such a pretty bride like her, you mean kid.”

” I can’t show my Jihae that easily to you, can I? ”

” Wow, Kim Sunggyu being an ass already? Anyway, congrats dude! ”

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I see you greeting your friends in front of the wedding hall. I couldn’t bring myself to stand in front of you, so I hid myself as I hesitated. I practiced over a hundred times smiling in front of the mirror yesterday, but I had no courage to smile happily as I congratulated you on your marriage.

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” Uhhh, Nam Woohyun you came too? ”

” Uh? Ah, Lee Howon…. Of course I have to come. Who’s wedding is it. ”

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The acting starts now. Not as Nam Woohyun, a lover who can’t forget you, Kim Sunggyu, but as Nam Woohyun, your best and closest friend.

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” Figures, you and Sunggyu were the closest. It would’ve been weirder if you didn’t come.”

” I probably got the invitation first? This is what you call an advantage of being a best friend. ”

” Fine you must be so great. But why’re you not going in? ”

” ….. I am. ”

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I wet my dry lips with my tongue and gulped. Right when I was going to tell Howon to go in first, I ended up meeting eyes with you.

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I wonder if you noticed my nervousness. I wonder if you noticed with what kind of mindset I was standing here today.

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You that saw me, walked up with a clear smile. The everlasting eye-smile and hair of brown tint, even your white skin. It was the unchanging Kim Sunggyu.

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” Thanks for coming, Woohyun-ah! ”

” What for. Of course I have to come, who’s wedding is it. ”

” Can’t you see me, Kim Sunggyu? ”

” Haha, of course I see you! Thank you, too, Howon! ”

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Suddenly, my head felt blank the moment I saw you. I wonder if my smile had been awkward. Did I even talk properly.

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Kim Sunggyu, a tuxedo still suit you very well. As a best friend, I naturally spoke of a compliment.

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” A tux goes really well with you, huh? You get the suit vibe well, Kim Sunggyu! ”

” Thanks for even saying it. You know Sungyeol got on my nerves earlier teasing me that I dressed up nicely for once? ”

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You’re really pretty, Kim Sunggyu.

Insanely pretty. So much that my eyes can only see you.

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” But seems like you didn’t fuss this time since it’s your wedding? ”

” What, am I a person that fusses all the time if something goes wrong? ”

” You were always like that. Getting upset if something wasn’t to your liking. ”

” No?!”

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Where would one find a person as kind as you.

Where would one find a person who had a more pained face, announcing a break up.

Where would one find a person who told that himself was more apologetic, telling me to stay as friends.

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” You two brought a thick envelope of gift money, right? ”

” Sunggyu, you shouldn’t appeal to money that much. ”

” Eyy, Howon, you’re pretty rich. How about Woohyun? ”

” You’ll see it later. What’s the hurry…. ”

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It’s for your happiness. Not just for anyone, but for you.

Why would a thing like money feel wasteful.

If the only thing I can give you is money, then I wouldn’t hesitate giving you my whole fortune.

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” Come in, you have to watch me well from the front row, okay? ”

” Just don’t trip by seeing my sharp glare. ”

” I won’t even look to your side, don’t worry Woohyun-goon. ”

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You playfully spoke and went in the wedding hall. There were many familiar faces. Sungyeol, who we were close with in college and got married first, Sungjong, warming up his hands sitting in front of the piano, and even Myungsoo and Dongwoo, looking like they were getting ready to sing for the wedding.

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It would’ve been better if we were just friends. Then I could’ve been together with them and truly congratulate you on your wedding.

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” Are you not going to see the bride? ”

” Yeah…. I’m going to get a seat so you guys just go see her how much you want. ”

” Eung. ”

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Howon headed to the waiting room of the bride and I went alone to the front row that Sunggyu talked about. Sungyeol came over to acknowledge me.

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” Ohhh– Namuhyun, you came? Must feel like you’re sending your daughter away. ”

” Daughter? ”

” You acted like Sunggyu was your own daughter as you took so much care….Ah, Lee Sungjong what!!! ”

” Hyung, aren’t you embarrassed? Everyone’s going to stare at you. Be quiet. ”

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They were the same Lee brothers, always bickering with each other. Sungjong was still a brat, smacking Sungyeol’s back of the head with full force and telling him to be quiet. People must not change even after they marry, as Sungyeol’s meaningless gibberish was still the same.

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I wonder if Kim Sunggyu’s the same too. Or maybe Kim Sunggyu’s the same but I just changed. Hearing Sungyeol say that I raised Sunggyu like a daughter, caring for him so much, I couldn’t talk back and just tried my best to smile. It was true that I had been the hands and feet of Sunggyu, like raising a daughter. Only, the emotion felt between us wasn’t a mother and daughter kind of feeling, but rather, the feeling of love.

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No, perhaps this feeling between us two was the most important aspect.

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” Ah sshi, Woohyun didn’t say anything to it so why are you acting out even more!! ”

” You’re saying weird things that’s why! ”

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Sungjong said it like that and glanced once at me.

Sungjong was one of the two people that knew of the relationship between Sunggyu and I. Sungjong had such a keen sense and he quickly caught on.

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A laugh of disbelief came out of my mouth. It felt like yesterday when Sungjong found out about us two and was crying and screaming saying, How can two guys be like that, as I watched him silently. But you and I already broke up and are left as friends.

I can still vividly remember me hugging and consoling you, who sobbed in my arms saying that you were sorry towards Sungjong, that it was all your fault.

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I suddenly wanted a cigarette.

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” Hyung, are you okay?”

” Aiick, what intention do you have of asking me if I’m okay when you’re the one that hit me! ”

” Not you– Woohyunnie hyung!! ”

” Who are you calling, ‘you’! Lee Sungjong, you really!! ”

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Even as Sungjong yelled at Sungyeol, he looked at me with worried eyes. I tried my best to move my lips and smile.

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” Yeah, of course I’m okay. ”

” …… ”

” What, what are you two talking about? ”

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Only Sungyeol creased his eyebrows with the look of confusion. Sungjong let out a long sigh and turned his body towards the piano. Sungjong opened his mouth as he smoothly moved his fingers on top of the keys.

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” If it was going to end that way, you shouldn’t have started it in the first place. ”

” ……. ”

” What, what! ”

” Hyung, please shut up. ”

” Seriously! Lee Sungjong, are you coming at me now that you’re a bit grown up!! ”

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Sungyeol raged hearing Sungjong’s words to shut up, then ran off hearing his wife calling his name. Not being able to do much under his wife’s words, Sungyeol looked so pathetic.

I wonder if Kim Sunggyu will change like that. Will he become a person who cares about nothing but the words of his wife?

I clenched then unclenched my fist. Deep marks of my fingernails were made on my palms. Sungjong did not stop his moving fingers and continued the words that were interrupted by Sungyeol earlier. The sound of the piano, made by Sungjong’s fingertips, rang in the wedding hall.

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” You know how surprised I was. Back then, I really….. when I– not heard, but saw it– clearly with my own two eyes of hyungs’ relationship, I thought I was going to faint from shock. ”

” …… ”

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My birthday. My friends crowded over and we had a birthday party, and they went back when it was almost dawn.

As soon as everyone left, Kim Sunggyu said with a shy face, I wanted to give you my present when we were alone but your birthday already passed. After hesitating for quite a while he shyly pulled out a necklace, and that behavior was so pretty that I held him in my arms for a long time and met his lips.

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” You wouldn’t guess how surprised I was seeing you two kiss. I remembered that I forgot my cellphone at hyung’s house and went back in to get it and– Sunggyu hyung and hyung….”

” ……. ”

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When I came back to my senses, Sungjong was looking at us with a blank face. Hyung, hyungs…. Kim Sunggyu found Sungjong stuttering, and Sunggyu lost color and grew stiff as he slowly changed to a crying face.

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” Back then I really hated you hyungs. So much betrayal. ”

” ……. ”

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Sungjong cried and made a scene in that spot saying how could you do this, then forgot about his phone that he came back for and left. Afterwards, Kim Sunggyu trembled and cried in my arms for the longest time– repeating that he was sorry towards Sungjong again and again.

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Then, Sungjong came to find us with swollen eyes after being quiet for over a week.

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He said he was sorry for just leaving like that back then. Sorry for saying such harsh words. That he did wrong. That he did so because he was too shocked….

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” But after I thought about it, I figured you could do that. Sunggyu hyung is not just any kind of pretty. ”

” ……. ”

” And it’s not like that’s against the law. ”

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I fixed my eyes on Sungjong’s moving hands on top of the keys. Tears felt like they were going to drop any second so I put strength in my eyes. I resented Sungjong for bringing out all the memories I was trying to forget, but I knew that this was his way of consoling me, so I couldn’t say anything.

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” I know that you’ll hurt a lot, hyung. But forget him. ”

” …… I forgot all of it. ”

” You still haven’t forgotten. You’re only hurting yourself, hyung. ”

” I know. ”

” Kim Sunggyu hyung, he’s really mean, isn’t he…. ”

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Sungjong hit right at the heart, and I looked at him. After finishing one piece perfectly, Sungjong turned his body and looked me right in the eyes. Sungjong’s eyes seemed to be telling the dark truth, and one part of my mind became suffocated.

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” It’s starting soon, go sit at your seat. ”

” …….. ”

” Hyung, your face is really hardened right now. ”

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But you brought out the bad past first. Now that I think about it, Lee Sungjong is one mean and rude kid too.

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After taking Sungjong’s advice to go splash my face with water, the wedding was about to start any time now.

My heart thumped and thumped. A thought telling me that I should get out of this place suddenly came rushing up. I strongly bit down on my lip and headed to my seat in the front.

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— The wedding of groom Kim Sunggyu and bride Yoon Jihae will begin shortly. Will the guests please have a seat.

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After hearing the announcement, I closed my eyes. It was starting. I really have to see you being next to someone else, with my own two eyes. The ends of my fingers became clammy.

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I wonder how you’re feeling right now. Will you feel like flying, will you feel like you have everything in the world? You see, I feel like I’d just fallen off a cliff.

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Are you happy?

Then…. that’s good.

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*

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I don’t remember how you entered through the wedding hall. When I came back to my senses, a graceful-looking girl was beside you, and you looked happier than anyone else.

Yoon Jihae…did you say her name was? The girl had linked arms with you and was, of course, smiling happily. She looked like a nice girl. It made me relieved a little.

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Seeing you being beside a different person wasn’t as painful as I thought it’d be. Or, maybe my heart had already broke down by the pain and couldn’t feel anything more.

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” Groom Kim Sunggyu, do you take this woman to be your wedded wife, to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, and forsaking all others, keep you only unto her, for so long as you both shall live?” 

” …… I do. ”

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You hesitated, then smiled brightly as you nodded and answered. It didn’t hurt me. I mean…. actually, it wouldn’t be weird if I said it hurt so much that I was going to die right then. My heart throbbed and gave me pain. My head spun and I felt like I was going to pass out any minute now. The world seemed far away.

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” Bride Yoon Jihae, do you take this man to be your wedded husband, to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, and forsaking all others, keep you only unto him, so long as you both shall live? ”

” I do!! ”

” Oh, the bride is more confident. ”

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Laughter burst out from all directions. I went along and awkwardly laughed too. I felt Sungjong glancing at me as he sat behind the piano.

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” With this, I now pronounce you husband and wife! ”

” Whooooo!! ”

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Loud applause and cheers burst out from the audience. Myungsoo and Dongwoo went up and sang for the wedding. You were created to receive the greatest love— Seeing Myungsoo do the hand gestures without any expression on his face, it made the audience flip out laughing. Standing in front, Sunggyu was laughing wholeheartedly.

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My eyes stung. You were so beautiful that my eyes stung.

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You go ahead and smile like that. You go live happily beside the person that loves you, and you love her forever. I’m only resentful of myself who couldn’t stand by you till the end, I don’t hate you for leaving me anymore.

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I think I can admit it now. You left me, and you’re sharing a pretty love with someone else. You and I are just friends, nothing more.

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My mind became tranquil.

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” Picture time! Everyone who wants to be in the picture, please gather! ”

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The photographer shouted, and a lot of people came forth. In the very front, Sunggyu and the girl was nicely linking arms together.

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” Aiick!!! The spot next to the bride is mine!! ”

” Yah Lee Sungyeol! Are you being distracted with me right in front of you? ”

” No ma’am! ”

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Sungyeol was dragged off by his wife.

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” Kim Myungsoo, you’re one of a kind, how can you sing that soft and warm song with such a hardened face? ”

” ….. if you didn’t like it then you do it. ”

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Howon and Myungsoo bickered.

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” Sungjong, you grew so much! ”

” Hyung… we saw each other last week. ”

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Dongwoo smiled so clearly like a kid, and Sungjong reproached him.

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” Now, I’m taking the picture! Hey, the young one there, are you not being in it? ”

” ……. ”

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It seemed like I was the only outsider. It seemed like only I couldn’t interact.

The photographer saying something at me just slipped my mind. Standing in the front, Sunggyu looked at me.

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We met eyes.

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Sunggyu smiled beamingly as he walked towards me.

Who did? Kim Sunggyu did.

Kim Sunggyu….

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” Are you not going to be in the picture? ”

” Uh? Uh…. I am. ”

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I answered like a dummy as I was dragged by him. The girl wearing a beautiful dress next to Sunggyu greeted me.

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” You’re Nam Woohyun-sshi, right? I heard a lot about you– that you’re Sunggyu oppa’s friend…. ”

” Nae, I’m Nam Woohyun. ”

” Why’re you so stiff. You’re my oppa’s friend. ”

” Now now, everyone please be quiet! I’m taking the picture! ”

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One, two, three– with a sound, the picture was taken. It suddenly flashed, and I also heard someone’s loud cheer at the same time.

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I raised the ends of my lips as I looked directly at the camera lens. The bright light hurt my eyes but I did not blink.

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Later, when you’re showing your wedding pictures to your children, I hope your kids notice me staring right into it. Then there’s a possibility that you’ll smile softly, point to me, and say, He was a very close friend with your daddy– a friend like no other in this world….

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*

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The wedding went by very quickly. After having short greets with familiar faces I noticed as I was walking around the wedding hall, I became tired very quickly. Especially since there were a lot of people who remembered the closeness of Sunggyu and I, it was even more painful.

As I was going around places trying to avoid Sunggyu, I found a stairway leading up to the rooftop, so I went up. I wanted to get some fresh air.

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” ……ha, ”

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I let out the long sigh I had been holding in till now. Seeing the vast scenery, my mind that had been clogged up seemed to get refreshed a bit. I undid one button that was choking my throat, loosened my tie, put my arms up to the railing, and leaned on them. I rummaged through my pockets, then found an unopened pack of cigarettes before ripping it open. I put one on my lips and rummaged through my pockets again. Seems like I forgot to bring a lighter. Feeling empty, I chewed the end of the cigar.

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” Missing a lighter? Why’re you not lighting it. ”

” …… guess I left it. ”

” I shall light it for you. ”

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I don’t know when he came, but Myungsoo was standing next to me. Myungsoo had done the same and had an unlit cigar in his mouth, then lit mine for me. Then I saw him just put it back in his pocket– I gave him a puzzled look.

Myungsoo noticed me staring at him that way, then he took out the cigar from his mouth.

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” I quit smoking. ”

” Then why do you carry cigarettes and a lighter? ”

” Just because. Usual habit…. ”

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I saw Myungsoo fade off his words, then I turned my head and looked out into the vast scenery below. Without being able to tear by eyes away from the beautiful sight, I let out a long puff of cigarette smoke. Now that I think about it, Kim Sunggyu despised cigarette smoke.

Me thinking about Kim Sunggyu even with this small stick of cigarette seemed so pathetic that I smirked with the cigar still bit down with my teeth.

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” Why are you laughing. ”

” Just because. ”

” …… Woohyun, you…. are you okay. ”

” ……. ”

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Excluding Sungjong, the person who knew of the relationship of Sunggyu and I was Kim Myungsoo. With a straight face, Myungsoo looked at me and asked like it was nothing. You, Sungjong, and almost everyone gathered here, thinks of Kim Sunggyu when looking at me. Were we that attached at the hip, even in other people’s eyes?

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” Well… ”

” ……. ”

” Just so-so. I can live, it’s okay. ”

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Letting out another smoke of cigar, I let out a lie at the same time. Myungsoo still had the same straight face as he stared right at my face. That face seemed like it was telling me to stop lying and tell the truth, so I couldn’t look him in the eyes and turned away.

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” ….. fine, if you say you’re okay then I guess you are. ”

” …… ”

” Sunggyu’s wife, did you see her? Was her name Yoon Jihae.. ”

” Yeah, I saw her. She’s pretty. ”

” That girl, I heard she’s pregnant. Already 5 months long. ”

” ……. ”

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Tsk.

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The cigar on my lips ended up lifelessly falling to the floor. I couldn’t hide my trembling hands as I looked at Myungsoo. Seeing my shocked face, Myungsoo seemed like he knew I would be like this and calmly asked me again.

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” Are you, okay. ”

” ……. what answer do you want to hear. ”

” The truth. I’ll take it all in even if you scream and cry… so I want to see your true heart, Woohyun-ah. You’re having a very hard time. You’re only hurting yourself even more if you hide it like this. ”

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……..

……. the truth?

What’s so important about my true heart? What’s so important that… Sungjong and you… are making me cry.

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” …… Myungsoo-yah, ”

” Eung. ”

” Actually I’m, having a hard time. I’m having a really hard time. ”

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My true heart that I couldn’t show to other people. My sadness, pain, and suffering that I had to ease by myself because I couldn’t say it…. and the longing for Kim Sunggyu.

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What I said about me having completely moved on, is a lie. About me saying it didn’t hurt anymore, is a lie. About me being able to admit that Sunggyu left, is a lie. About me saying that I could stand by Sunggyu’s side as a friend… are all lies.

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” I still, love him…. ”

” …… ”

” Kim Sunggyu, that name alone is enough already, but..”

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Something warm flowed down from my eyes. Myungsoo silently stood by my side and watched. I ended up burying my face in my hands thinking of Kim Sunggyu. My two hands became completely wet with tears.

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It was a thought that came to me countless times in a day. The thought that I wished to turn back time. I wanted to turn back time and start anew, going back to that time when I hadn’t met you.

Even as I knew that was not possible. Maybe that’s why it hurts more.

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” Hhhh… hhhh…. ”

” ……. ”

” Kim Sunggyu… Sunggyu-yah, Sunggyu…. ”

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I love you.

I loved you till death, I love you till death, and I will love you till death.

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A person is a selfish being, so I’m going to be selfish too and keep you in my heart as I live forever. I’m going to love you by myself as I live.

Just don’t forget me. I don’t expect you to love me, so just remember me and know how much I loved you.

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” Be happy…. Kim Sunggyu, ”

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No matter how much I think about it, I don’t think I can stay by your side as a friend. If I can’t stay as a friend, let alone a lover, then I’m just not going to appear in front of you.

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Bye…. Kim Sunggyu.

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*

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One year later.

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” ….. Kim Sunggyu, you came. ”

” ……. ”

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Sunggyu’s eyes were trembling as he looked at Myungsoo. Myungsoo gestured with his head towards the large room inside. It was a sign for him to go in. Sunggyu clenched his fists as he looked in the room. With unmoving feet, Sunggyu just stood in place having a blank look, then bit his lips hard.

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” Sunggyu hyung…. ”

” ……. ”

” It’s all, it’s all hyung’s fault!! ”

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Sungjong had been crying in the room, then came running out and hit Sunggyu’s chest. Sunggyu still had a blank look as he gazed at Sungjong. Sungjong’s face was covered in tears. Sunggyu lifelessly shook in Sungjong’s grasp. He didn’t even yank out from Sungjong grabbing and shaking his shoulders, and stayed completely still.

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” Say something!! ”

” …… ”

” This is all because of you, hyung, because of you!! ”

” Sungjong-ah, stop it. ”

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Myungsoo looked angry as he pulled Sungjong away from Sunggyu. Sungjong kept repeating the words, Because of you, hyung, as he sobbed. When Sungjong was pulled away, Sunggyu took one step forward with a blank face.

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Sunggyu looked at the picture placed all the way at the end of the room.

In the picture, Woohyun was smiling with the happiest face of all.

Looking at the picture, Sunggyu followed Woohyun smiling.

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” Who do you think you are, hyung, who do you think you are to make Woohyunnie hyung have a hard time!!!! You ended up killing Woohyunnie hyung!!! Make him come back, how dare you!!! ”

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” Sungjong-ah. ”

” Hyung, you have no right to do that!! ”

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Sungjong kicked and screamed, and Myungsoo pulled him into his arms. Sungjong lashed out at Sunggyu and punched in mid-air at the back of Sunggyu’s head. Sunggyu silently remained looking at Woohyun’s picture, then turned his body and looked at Sungjong again.

.

At that moment, Sungjong couldn’t help stop screaming at Sunggyu.

.

Sunggyu was smiling, but he was crying so sorrowfully like no other. His lips were clearly smiling, but a drop of tear came down from his eyes.

.

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” Hhhh….. Woohyunnie hyung…. ”

” …….. ”

.

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Sungjong couldn’t look at that face any longer, so he turned around and called out Woohyun’s name. Sunggyu looked at Sungjong being like this and kept smiling.

No, he cried.

Sunggyu, was crying.

.

.

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*

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Sungjong fell asleep exhausted from crying, and Sunggyu sat in a dark room as he fidgeted with the corner of Woohyun’s picture. Myungsoo had come back from laying Sungjong down in the corner of the room, and sat next to Sunggyu. Sunggyu’s face was still a smiling one.

.

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” Sunggyu-yah. ”

” ….. yeah? ”

” When you heard Woohyun died, how did you feel? ”

.

.

They said Woohyun had died of a car accident. And not by mistake, but by suicide.

.

Woohyun had been going slowly insane after Sunggyu’s wedding, and in the two months before his death, Woohyun tried to commit suicide almost every single day.

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Sunggyu smiled looking at Myungsoo, then, after a long silence, he finally moved his lips.

.

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” …. well, since my best friend died, it felt like the world was crashing down. ”

” ……. ”

.

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Myungsoo closed his mouth hearing Sunggyu’s words. A feeling of the world crashing down. I wonder how big it felt. Myungsoo spoke as he stared hard at Woohyun in the picture.

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” Woohyunnie, it was hard to find a picture for the funeral. ”

” …….. ”

” They were all a picture taken together with you. So we had to use his graduation picture 10 years ago. ”

” …… ”

.

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Sunggyu raised the ends of his lips more. It was a pitiful smile. Myungsoo couldn’t figure out what Sunggyu was thinking, but he stared down at Sunggyu as he continued.

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” Nam Woohyun and Kim Sunggyu are so similar. ”

” ….. How so? ”

” Both cannot be honest. ”

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Sunggyu nodded slowly. He accepted Myungsoo’s words without a fuss. Sunggyu loosened his legs from being on his knees, leaned back on the wall, then stayed still before speaking up.

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” Forget them. The words I’ll say from this point on…. just think of it as ramble from a mental drunkard and forget them. ”

” What is it. ”

” Woohyun and I…. we dated for almost seven years. And we lived together for three years. We spent our lives together for that long, but you know why I broke up with Woohyun? ”

.

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Myungsoo shook his head. Sunggyu was slowly pulling out the story that he hadn’t been able to tell anyone till now. Myungsoo couldn’t take his eyes off of Sunggyu, who was staring into space.

.

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” A month before Woohyun and I broke up. Woohyun’s mother knew of our relationship. ”

” ……! ”

” Woohyun didn’t know. Didn’t know till the end. I told her– that I’ll break up with Woohyun so please keep this a secret from him. ”

” Wait you should’ve found another way instead of breaking–!! ”

” Shh. You’ll wake Sungjong up. ……right, it wasn’t like I didn’t try finding another way…. but Woohyun had said this in the past, that he wanted to forever remain as a good and perfect son to his mom. ”

” …… ”

” So he studied through thick and thin and was alert at the mention of his mom…. How could I tell him. ”

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Myungsoo opened his eyes big and stared at Sunggyu. His voice grew unknowingly loud and Sunggyu put his finger on his lips to tell him to be quiet. Myungsoo firmly shut up and brushed his hair back looking at Sunggyu, who seemed like he was on the verge of disappearing.

.

Looks like there’s a more complicated story than I’d thought.

.

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” Jihae… is my childhood friend, well not a friend, but something similar. She went to the States to study abroad during her high school years, but.. well, we called each other from time to time. ”

” …… ”

” Jihae appeared almost 10 years later and she sobbed all of a sudden when she met
me– saying that she was pregnant– and that she didn’t know who the father was. ”

” ……. ”

” Jihae’s mom was a single parent. She doesn’t know who Jihae’s father is. Jihae had grown up without a father, only with her mother, and she didn’t want to raise her baby the same way. ”

” …… ”

” Her mother passed away too. Not that early, but just when Jihae became an adult? Probably around then. ”

” ……. ”

” Jihae said this– she told me she had a drinking party at her school a month ago, and her memory failed her after drinking so much. When she woke up, she was completely naked and her body felt strained…. she didn’t want to admit it, so she just ran away from there. ”

” ……. ”

” But feeling suspicious, she went to check, and turns out she got pregnant. She told me she was scared to death…. and that the only person she could think of was me. ”

” …….. ”

” There was the thing with Woohyun’s mom, and Jihae’s problem overlapped– I couldn’t help it. I didn’t know Woohyun would end up like this….. I didn’t even imagine it, really. ”

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Sunggyu scoffed of disbelief. Hearing Sunggyu’s unexpected situation, Myungsoo couldn’t say a single word. Sunggyu grinned and spoke to Woohyun in the picture.

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” My kid’s name, is Hyunsung. Kim Hyunsung. Pretty, right? ”

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The words Sunggyu said like a habit when he was dating Woohyun– that if he lives forever with Woohyun, it’ll be too lonely with just them two so he was going to adopt a child. And that he was going to take a word from each other’s names and call the kid, Hyunsung.

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Myungsoo put his spinning head into his hands. He had only sympathized with Woohyun, not knowing Sunggyu’s side of the story. Watching Woohyun go insane, he had swore at and blamed Sunggyu.

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But, even in the moment getting married to Yoon Jihae, Sunggyu was looking at Woohyun. Even as he was saying that he loved her, and that he was happy, he had Woohyun in his heart.

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But he himself didn’t know……

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” Kim Sunggyu, you’re really stubborn…. ”

” My Hyunsungie, you have no idea how pretty he is. Woohyun, if you see him you’ll really like him. ”

” How could you hide all of your feelings away like that and…. ”

” Hyunsungie, he really looks like you, Woohyun. Especially his eyes– it’s exactly the same, I thought he was your son. ”

.

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Sunggyu leveled eyes with Woohyun in the picture and laid out all the brags about his
unrelated son. Myungsoo stared at the back of Sunggyu’s head. It had been brown just before the wedding, but was a calm black color now.

.

Sunggyu remained talking about this and that with Woohyun in the picture for quite a while before suddenly turning around to look at Myungsoo.

.

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” But my mind is at ease. Since I poured it out to you, at least. ”

” ….. Idiot. ”

” Right, I am an idiot. I think an idiot is right. ”

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Sunggyu grinned widely looking at Myungsoo. Myungsoo couldn’t figure out if that face was real or fake, so he frowned deeply.

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Myungsoo thought that, because of these two idiots, he will never be able to judge people by their outward appearances. It was obvious to say I’m sad if they’re sad, or I’m tired if they’re tired, but it seemed like only those two people were oblivious to it.

.

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” Phew….. ”

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Myungsoo’s sigh mixed with Sungjong’s even breaths– still fast asleep– and rang out in Woohyun’s funeral.

.

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*

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” Sunggyu you rascal, you denied so much that you didn’t have a girlfriend but you end up getting married this quickly? How dare you hide such a pretty bride like her, you mean kid.”

” I can’t show my Jihae that easily to you, can I? ”

” Wow, Kim Sunggyu being an ass already? Anyway, congrats dude! ”

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Mindlessly receiving the congrats from a person I barely knew the name of, I looked all around. The wedding was about to start soon, but I couldn’t see Woohyun.

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Even if you call me selfish, even if you swear at me saying I’m mean, I can’t help it. I want to see Woohyun even in this way.

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I was in the middle of searching for Woohyun, then I found Howon talking with Woohyun from afar. Thankfully, Woohyun’s face was brighter than I’d thought. Seeing that face, I put down a clump of worry as I approached Woohyun.

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The face I saw in almost three months was very emaciated. Trying my best to seem like I hadn’t noticed, I smiled beamingly.

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” Thanks for coming, Woohyun-ah! ”

” What for. Of course I have to come, who’s wedding is it. ”

.

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I wanted to see you. I wanted to see you, but I couldn’t do so, and I thought I was dying.

But rather than my own happiness, you’re more important. I hoped that you and your mother would remain as a good mother and son, without any kind of problem. I can push down a thing like my greed. I can just hold it in.

.

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” A tux goes really well with you, huh? You get the suit vibe well, Kim Sunggyu! ”

.

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Do you remember? A long time ago, on the day I wore a suit and tie for my job interview. I was feeling awkward because I wasn’t used to it, but you made me all loosened up just with your words.

.

You’re really, pretty Kim Sunggyu. You’re the prettiest.

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Do you know how cozy those words were.

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” You were always like that. Getting upset if something wasn’t to your liking. ”

” No?!”

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Was I really like that. Was I that kind of person to you.

If I was, then I should’ve been nicer to you. I should’ve been a bit softer towards you. I wanted to remain in your memories as a good person.

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Feeling like tears will come up, I changed the subject.

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” You two brought a thick envelope of gift money, right? ”

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Actually, I don’t want a thing like money. What’s so important about a monetary gift. Honestly, no matter how much money I have, if you’re not there.. it’s meaningless. If you’re not happy, then I have no use of it.

.

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” Come in, you have to watch me well from the front row, okay? ”

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I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I can only show this side of myself.

.

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” Just don’t trip by seeing my sharp glare. ”

” I won’t even look to your side, don’t worry Woohyun-goon. ”

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I don’t think I can look to your side. If I did, then I might break down during the wedding.

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I really love you so much. I still love you, so why did we end up this way. Why had we come this far.

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I couldn’t sleep yesterday, so I took two sleeping pills. My hands were trembling so much this morning that I couldn’t possibly not take a tranquilizing pill. My head throbbed, so I took all kinds of painkillers, then I came to stand in this place.

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I think the heavens is jealous of our special relationship too, right, Woohyun-ah?

.

But still I love you. I love you, Nam Woohyun.

.

.

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*

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The sleeping pills I took once a while, soon multiplied over that I couldn’t fall asleep without taking them now. The painkillers were a must, and the tranquilizers specially prescribed from the hospital were always by my side.

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I knew that Jihae was watching me with anxious eyes, but I couldn’t live independent of the pills. Especially when the 5-month-old Hyunsung looked at me with those innocent, puppy-like eyes.

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A call came yesterday.

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I heard you died.

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And, by suicide.

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Scoffs came out. We’re you a person who dies that easily. I trusted that you would live happily in a place without me.

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Was that not it.

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You inside the picture was so resentfully bright. You, that I saw last in my wedding, were showing a clear smile, in a variety of ways. You were smiling, and I couldn’t dare cry by myself, so I smiled looking at you.

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Sungjong screamed something at me but I couldn’t hear. After I came back to my right mind, I was in the middle of pouring everything out to Myungsoo.

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I tried my best to say, I’m okay, I’m okay– as I consoled myself– but actually, I guess I was a lot tired. I guess it was hard for me to endure it all too.

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Jihae-yah, I only have apologetic feelings towards you. Though I can’t say that I loved you the most in this world, I can say that I treasured you very much.

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Myungsoo, you must’ve had a hard time too, I’m sorry. It must’ve been hard because of a bad person like me, so thank you for listening to my story till the end.

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Sungjong, you don’t like me very much, do you. But please don’t hate me that much.

.

Sungyeol, stop getting distracted leaving your pretty wife like that.

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Dongwoo and Howonnie, you two should find someone and get married now, living happily.

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Hyunsung-ah, I’m sorry I’m such a bad father.

I’m sorry I’m a father who can do only this much, dad’s sorry.

.

Woohyun-ah, I miss you.

How’s heaven? Are you happy?

Just wait for me a little. I’m coming soon.

.

.

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*

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Sunggyu, ended his own life exactly one week after Woohyun had left this world.

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Sunggyu’s wife, Jihae, sobbed saying it was her own greed of holding onto Sunggyu that made him go this far, then made up her mind firm to raise Hyunsung well by herself.

.

Sungjong had a panic attack after hearing of Sunggyu’s death, not long after Woohyun’s, and was being hospitalized having fainted.

.

Having found out too late about Woohyun and Sunggyu’s relationship, Sungyeol, Howon, and Dongwoo cursed the two for being so dumb and wished that the two would at least be happy in heaven.

.

Please let the two be happy now.

They were too tangled and tired, so please be happy now.

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In front of the picture with Sunggyu smiling happily, they placed a white lily and just went out. We’re not going to be sad about Sunggyu’s death– because you’re going to be happy meeting Woohyun after death.

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Stay well, Woohyun-ah, Sunggyu-yah.

They waved at the blue sky. It’s like you two are looking down at us.

.

.

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*

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.

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[ Woohyun-ah!! ]

[ Kim Sunggyu, you dummy! Who told you to follow me! ]

[ I wanted to see you so I followed you, and you’re just gonna be mad at me? ]

[ Seriously Kim Sunggyu….. you’re the most important person to me, and all you do is lie. ]

[ It was all for you. ]

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The heartbreaking love– with the two only having each other in their eyes– was taken into consideration by God that He wrapped the two in His arms,

.

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[ Sunggyu-yah. ]

[ Wae, Woohyun-ah. ]

[ This really feels like a dream… you and I meeting again like this. ]

[ It’s not a dream, dummy. ]

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and made a place for them to live forever in heaven,

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[ Sunggyu-yah….. Kim Sunggyu, ]

[ Wae— ]

[ I …. love you. ]

[ …. well, me too. ]

.

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so the two’s love will never break from now on and will be happy.

.

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[ Well, me too? What the heck is that! Say I love you properly! ]

[ If you want to hear it, then be good from now on. ]

[ Yah, Kim Sunggyu!!!!! ]

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Wishing happiness for both of them, without any kind of pain.

.

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Wedding Ceremony, The end.

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